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Twas the nerf before Christmas.
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Soccermom
SWG Chief Petty Officer
Posts: 156
Registered: 08-25-2003



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I am a creature handler, and we all need a laugh. This might get locked, but consider it my Christmas gift to the game until then.

 

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house
Just one creature was stirring, and clicking the mouse.
The stimpacks were hung from the backpacks with care,
Almost to master! Just need one more square!

The grinders kept grinding, ignoring their beds,
While visions of holocrons danced in their heads.
And Mamma in her fleshwrap and I in my composite
Had just settled down after a quick terminal deposit.

When up on the message boards came such a chatter
I flew to the site to see what was the matter.
Away into Windows I stole with a flash,
To read the new nerf, cost of 15 bucks cash.

The whiners already had cursed their new gun,
‘It’s nerfed beyond reason! This game is no fun!’
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But old Saint Q3PO full of nerf cheer.

The SOE staff had their nerf bats at ready,
But the servers as always were not quite so steady.
More rapid than eagles the nerf lists they came,
And there was the update, and each nerf by name.

No med droids! No dancers! No Bounties or Armors!
No clothing! No pets and no lewt for lewt farmers!
By the end of the list, by the end of the post,
It was hard to tell who had been nerfed quite the most.

I quickly logged on and loaded my ranger,
But his items were gone and his stats were in danger.
My backpack was empty, my hides were gone too,
Everything had been nerfed from my helm to my shoe!

I clicked on a link and I wrote out a ticket,
In seconds the staff made it clear I could stick it.
I reported a bug: “This nerf must be a goof”
And suddenly 3PO popped in with a POOF!

“We’ve nerfed the whole game to eliminate cheaters,
(Then he paused and ran back when he warped 50 meters)
We nerfed every Twi’lek and Mon Calamari,
We nerfed every stat and made customers sorry.”

“We made the Krayt Dragons less harmful than smurfs
and then we took care to nerf previous nerfs!
We nerfed Imps out on Bestine and Rebs out on Lok,
We nerfed all the flame guns and now they just smoke.”

Your once mighty carbines? Now barely can sting.
We nerfed every item! We nerfed everything!”
And as that old dev disappeared out of sight
He cried “15 bucks from all, and to all a nerf night!”


 

____________________________________________

"What makes the desert beautiful is that somewhere it hides a well." (Antoine de Saint-Exupéry)

"Not all who wander are lost." (John Ronald Reuel Tolkien)

"To Dare is to risk losing your foothold for a moment, Not to Dare is to risk losing yourself." (Søren Kierkegaard)
12-02-2003 03:12 PM  

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Re: Twas the nerf before Christmas.
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Orist
SWG Chief Petty Officer
Posts: 248
Registered: 09-19-2003


Orist
PA: Imperiums Fist Alliance
Server: Intrepid

Reply 2 of 64

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Thats great!

Orist - Trandoshan
Dassadec - Human
12-02-2003 03:24 PM  

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Re: Twas the nerf before Christmas.
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Ookos
SWG Chief Petty Officer
Posts: 37
Registered: 10-17-2003



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You could have mastered CH in the time it took to write that I'm sure!
12-02-2003 03:39 PM  

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Re: Twas the nerf before Christmas.
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Achilles467
Jedi
Posts: 9601
Registered: 07-28-2003


Achilles467
PA: -LFD/JHC
Server: Bria

Reply 4 of 64

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Hahaha!  I'm stealing this and posting it in Bria.  You'll get credit.

_________________
Diomedes "Carl" Godshill
Captain, Imperial Army
Flight Officer, Imperial Inquisition

Hate has made me powerful
12-02-2003 04:03 PM  

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Re: Twas the nerf before Christmas.
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LouisLogic
SWG Chief Petty Officer
Posts: 305
Registered: 09-09-2003



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I choked on my water on the last line...

 

---
Final Disciple
Master CH intent on Mastering TKA
Theed, Naboo - Valcyn
---
We are your teachers now... God help you all.
12-02-2003 04:23 PM  

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Re: Twas the nerf before Christmas.
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Nip
SWG Chief Petty Officer
Posts: 161
Registered: 06-28-2003



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/stand
/applaud

Wonderful !! and thank you for sharing that with us
12-02-2003 04:25 PM  

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Re: Twas the nerf before Christmas.
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Theos_Robos
Jedi
Posts: 3717
Registered: 10-08-2003


Theos_Robos

Reply 7 of 64

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That's one of the funniest thing I've ever read!






Audible
Vendor outside of Restuss, Rori
5572, 6666 ☼


12-02-2003 04:32 PM  

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Re: Twas the nerf before Christmas.
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CornCake
SWG Chief Petty Officer
Posts: 113
Registered: 07-13-2003


CornCake
PA: Crimson Sky Empire
Server: Flurry

Reply 8 of 64

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That was very well composed.

12-02-2003 04:55 PM  

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Re: Twas the nerf before Christmas.
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Sooty
Jedi
Posts: 746
Registered: 07-01-2003



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Bloody brilliant
12-02-2003 04:58 PM  

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Re: Twas the nerf before Christmas.
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VitoGenovese
Jedi
Posts: 646
Registered: 07-26-2003


VitoGenovese

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Guys don't praise the post too much, they will nerf it.

 

 

/whisper Great Job!

______________________
Adapt! Or be Darwined.
I don't believe in the Force anymore, but I do believe in Karma.
12-02-2003 05:39 PM  

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Re: Twas the nerf before Christmas.
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JuntaoTakor
SWG Chief Petty Officer
Posts: 279
Registered: 07-28-2003


JuntaoTakor

Reply 11 of 64

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Soccermom wrote:

We’ve nerfed the whole game to eliminate cheaters, (Then he paused and ran back when he warped 50 meters)

 


Rofl, this line really made me laugh! Kudos and good job!

Juntao Ta'kor
Master Creature Handler / Pistoleer / BE

Visit www.swgcreatures.com today and help keep the #1 creature list updated and current!
 

12-02-2003 05:48 PM  

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Re: Twas the nerf before Christmas.
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Vinaddar
SWG Ensign
Posts: 329
Registered: 09-29-2003



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/Applaud

Bravo, Soccermom, bravo!

That was wonderful.  : )

Vinaddar

12-02-2003 05:59 PM  

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Re: Twas the nerf before Christmas.
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Shaylin
Jedi
Posts: 1102
Registered: 07-09-2003



Reply 13 of 64

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lol, very well done, that was tooo funny.  Thanks for the laugh.

 

Cressida

12-02-2003 07:53 PM  

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Re: Twas the nerf before Christmas.
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gwjenn
SWG Ensign
Posts: 144
Registered: 06-26-2003


gwjenn
PA: THUG
Server: Bloodfin

Reply 14 of 64

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Nice, very nice.

Varth Dader ..... wait no .... I was Nerfed .... Varth Gwjenn.
12-02-2003 08:26 PM  

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Re: Twas the nerf before Christmas.
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Huntress
SWG Lieutenant
Posts: 303
Registered: 07-03-2003


Huntress

Reply 15 of 64

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That was tooo Great!  Before I read it we just laughed at the Subject line and thought that was great, hehe.

I loved this!!!

Cherbaca, Bria, MS, NCH

Fango Jett: Leader of ILM
12-02-2003 10:52 PM  

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